I just finished my second week here at EMC. It is still very tough but I am not quite as overwhelmed as I was last week. Today I was at the office in The Bronx by myself. Four girls came in today. The last girl to come in was beautiful and confident and looked to be in her mid-twenties. I squared my shoulders and tried to will myself to look older then I actually am. After she filled out the form I took her in the back and I went over the form with her making sure everything was filled in correctly. I asked her why she felt she had to have the abortion. She replied that she isn't ready for a baby, she is in collage, "there's a lot going on." As we waited for her pregnancy result I played our Choice Blue video of an actual abortion procedure. I have never played that video 1st usually I start off with an animated non graphic one but I felt that CB was what I had to play at that time for this particular girl. She started crying during the video as I explained the procedure to her as it went along. She asked me how old the baby was and when I told her 10 weeks she was shocked. I stopped the video and she looked at me and with tears streaming down her face she said "I have never wanted anything as much as I want this baby." She took a deep breath and continued " I have always wanted a baby and one time I prayed for a baby, which I now regret deeply, and I dream of him every night. The man I love wants this baby. I want this baby. But my parents think it would be better that I be dead then dishonor come to their family. This scandal that would affect their place in the community. Since I took the test at home I have even been praying for a miracle to fix everything but......" she laughed with embarrassment. As I looked at her my heart ached for her this beautiful woman who was hurting so deeply. What to say in the face of such profound pain? " I am so sorry. I am so sorry for your pain." So few words. So much lacking. I sat there as she poured her heart out to me, a stranger. How I wish I had the remedy to resolve her anguish. I talked with her awhile gently speaking about the aftereffects the abortion will have on her. The decision she will have to live with, not her parents. This overwhelming point in your life will pass with time, abortion is a lasting decision. "I think if it is ok I will wait a week to think before I make the decision. Can I call you to let you know?" she asked me. I gave her my cell number and told her to call anytime even if just to talk. She hugged me tightly, this grieving girl whom I had never seen before the hour, and thanked me for my time and for my caring. "You are the only person to know besides my boy friend and myself," She said, "It was nice to talk to you. If I find the courage I need to keep the baby I will let you know."
It feels a little good to know I comforted her even though just a little during her dark time. That God choose me to attempt to be the light of Christ to her. Was I successful? Only God knows. There must be a reason he chose to bring her in to the office today and talk to me. It is hard not to feel downcast thinking "I didn't do enough" but God knows exactly what I can and cannot give and I am sure, and must continually remind myself, that anything I said that had an effect for the best was the Holy Spirit speaking through me. Thank you Lord for such an honor as to be your hands here on earth.
Please pray for this dear girl. She is at a very critical stage and feeling the fear and stress of her situation, not to mention her hormones being all over the place, it is hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. In her mind she is on a two edged sword and the only question is which way to fall. Please, please pray!
"The Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves those whose spirit is crushed." - Psalm 34:19
"But I trust in you, Lord; I say, "You are my God." My destiny is in your hands; rescue me from my enemies, from the hands of my pursuers." - Psalm 31:15-16