Last week in one of our centers, I counseled a 17-year-old girl who was pregnant after only her second time having sex. She said that her mother wanted her to have an abortion, because "you're not supposed to get pregnant before you're married."
This girl attends her mother's church, which is extremely strict and judgmental in all the wrong ways. For instance, previous girls who had become pregnant before marriage were shunned by the entire church, and apparently her mother didn't want the public shame; people in the church had been telling her "your daughter is going to get pregnant," and now that has happened.
The girl's boyfriend wanted to keep the baby, and she knew she'd have support from her boyfriend's sister, her best friends family, and others. She was not struggling or living on her own. She had even formed a potential plan in her mind for how she would have the baby: finish high school this spring (she probably wouldn't show very much before graduation), take off school for next spring semester after giving birth, go back to school after next summer. Her only reasons for considering an abortion were that she was too young, she needs to finish school, and her mother told her to.
We talked a lot about the physical dangers and psychological consequences of abortion, as well as her personal religious values. After watching a video which shows an actual abortion procedure, she was horrified and said "I'd rather DIE than go through with that!!" By the end of our session, it seemed that she had exhausted all her excuses and knew the right thing to do. But she was still so scared to talk to her mother.
I contacted her recently to find out how she's doing and if she talked to her mom again. She said that she has to go through with it and has an appointment for this Tuesday, because her mother told her she has to. I reminded her of her words after watching the video, but she said that her mother reassured her.
Of all the cases I have seen and heard about girls being pressured into abortions, times when the parents are the ones pressuring are the worst. It is absolutely despicable for a parent to force his or her own child to do something which will forever change her and harm her, just to save face. This woman so craves the good opinion of her friends at church that she wants to sacrifice her own grandchild. What kind of a church is that?
I tried to explain to this girl that it's her choice, nobody can legally force her to have an abortion. And if her mother told her to jump off the empire state building, would she do it? No. But the thing is that we follow our parents more than anybody else. Even if we disagree, fight, or hate at times, we still crave the approval of our parents, and try to please them, and think that they know best. This is psychological and completely natural, which is why my frustration is entirely with the mother. Women are made to nurture; killing one's own child goes against that and killing one's grandchild is an extension of that perversion of nature.
Please pray for this anonymous girl, that she will have the strength to stand up for her child before Tuesday, and for the mother, that her eyes will be open to the reality that her grandchild has value and worth, despite the circumstances of its conception.
This girl attends her mother's church, which is extremely strict and judgmental in all the wrong ways. For instance, previous girls who had become pregnant before marriage were shunned by the entire church, and apparently her mother didn't want the public shame; people in the church had been telling her "your daughter is going to get pregnant," and now that has happened.
The girl's boyfriend wanted to keep the baby, and she knew she'd have support from her boyfriend's sister, her best friends family, and others. She was not struggling or living on her own. She had even formed a potential plan in her mind for how she would have the baby: finish high school this spring (she probably wouldn't show very much before graduation), take off school for next spring semester after giving birth, go back to school after next summer. Her only reasons for considering an abortion were that she was too young, she needs to finish school, and her mother told her to.
We talked a lot about the physical dangers and psychological consequences of abortion, as well as her personal religious values. After watching a video which shows an actual abortion procedure, she was horrified and said "I'd rather DIE than go through with that!!" By the end of our session, it seemed that she had exhausted all her excuses and knew the right thing to do. But she was still so scared to talk to her mother.
I contacted her recently to find out how she's doing and if she talked to her mom again. She said that she has to go through with it and has an appointment for this Tuesday, because her mother told her she has to. I reminded her of her words after watching the video, but she said that her mother reassured her.
Of all the cases I have seen and heard about girls being pressured into abortions, times when the parents are the ones pressuring are the worst. It is absolutely despicable for a parent to force his or her own child to do something which will forever change her and harm her, just to save face. This woman so craves the good opinion of her friends at church that she wants to sacrifice her own grandchild. What kind of a church is that?
I tried to explain to this girl that it's her choice, nobody can legally force her to have an abortion. And if her mother told her to jump off the empire state building, would she do it? No. But the thing is that we follow our parents more than anybody else. Even if we disagree, fight, or hate at times, we still crave the approval of our parents, and try to please them, and think that they know best. This is psychological and completely natural, which is why my frustration is entirely with the mother. Women are made to nurture; killing one's own child goes against that and killing one's grandchild is an extension of that perversion of nature.
Please pray for this anonymous girl, that she will have the strength to stand up for her child before Tuesday, and for the mother, that her eyes will be open to the reality that her grandchild has value and worth, despite the circumstances of its conception.
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