It was getting late and my 4 pm appointment seemed to be a no show. The day was over and it was time for me to head home for a well deserved rest. As I packed up my belongings to leave, I heard a ¨Knock! Knock! ¨ on the door. I opened it and there they were. They took seats in my office as I welcomed them in. I filled out her intake form and it didn´t take much time for her story to come out and her tears to flow.
She had two young children a home, a son with her boyfriend and a daughter from a previous relationship; both were the light in her eyes. This couple was young, in their early twenties. She was a stay at home mom who took care of the kids and the house, and he was the bread winner, their sole source of support. Money was tight, very tight.
When she stepped out of the room to take a pregnancy test, I had a chance to speak with him one on one. I asked him what he really wanted her to do, since his previous answer seemed less than honest. (At this point you may be asking yourself what his prerogative has to do with her decision; you may be thinking that this is her choice. You would be surprised to find out how many women submit to abortions simply because they are being pressured into it.) That´s when the truth came out, he wanted the abortion. He said it was because he wasn´t ready to have another child. I asked him what it meant to be a man, and shortly thereafter told him that a man was meant to selflessly protect his family, and that this child was just that, his family. What does it mean to love? Love means to will the best for the other, not just to want what is best, but to do what is best. Would abortion really be what was best for his girlfriend? What about his child?
Within a few minuets she returned and he decided to take a walk. This gave me the opportunity to speak with her, and find out what was going through her mind.
To say that she was undecided would be an understatement, because she was being pressured to choose abortion by a lack of emotional support. You would think that the issue of money or a lack thereof would be the driving force, for this couple to consider abortion. When it comes down to it though, with emotional support a woman can find courage to face the unknown. She thought that she had to get an abortion, because it would be too hard and they didn´t have enough money. How could she to afford to clothe this baby? Not to worry! I told her about one of our Centers that housed a large stock of resources for mothers facing Crisis Pregnancy! I asked her what her family thought about her pregnancy and what they thought she should do. Her mother was against abortion and wanted her to keep the baby. Just the emotional support she needed! Her three year old daughter just hours earlier had said, ¨Mommy, are you going to have an abortion? Are you going to kill my baby brother or sister?¨
...to be continued...
1 comment:
Hello interns,
You obviously all display a great deal of compassion for the women and families you serve. The pro-choice movement has left a lot of women behind, particularly low income women who do not have the resources to pay for adequate reproductive health care, including abortion. I applaud your efforts to provide compassion to forgotten populations. But why bring marriage into the discussion? If you check the facts, you'll see that many married women have abortions, often out of concern for their current children (inadequate financial resources, bad timing, emotional or physical issues, etc). Should married women who conceive unexpectedly be forced to carry all children to term, even if unwanted? Would you just tell a married woman with an unwanted pregnancy to give the child up for adoption if she really couldn't handle it? What about contraception? Shouldn't you be teaching young women to empower themselves by encouraging contraception use (knowledge they will make great use of later in marriage) instead of pushing abstinence? As far as I see it, if you are pro-life, then you should adopt realistic public health perspectives. The simple fact is that people have sex, young as well as old, unmarried as well as those in matrimonial bliss. So if you don't want people to get abortions, equip them with the knowledge they need to practice safer sex. It's not a cure-all, but a pro-safe sex climate will result in lower abortion rates, not higher. Check out the stats in places where abortion is illegal, like many Latin American countries. Abortion rates are just as high as anywhere where the procedure is legal. People just perform it underground, in more dangerous ways. Women will die if the procedure isn't legal.
By the way, I'm a 21-year-old college student and I've had an abortion, first trimester. And guess what? I'm not emotionally distraught, or morally depraved. I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend, as well as my parents. I researched the issue extensively before pursuing my decision (and yes, I have the luxury of a college library and speedy internet, unlike many women in the communities you serve). Pregnancy made me terribly sick and it was unrealistic to think I could support a child. I don't consider it a selfish decision at all. As far as I'm concerned, I didn't bring a child into the world. The fetus I saw on the ultrasound was not yet a person.
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