Forbidden, Not Just Hidden

“I remember coming home after the abortion and crying my eyes out. Tears were streaming from my face and staining a white silk coverlet on my bed. I also remember a discharge of white milk coming from both breasts. My feeling was that my entire body was crying…teardrops of milk seeping from my bosoms. I wept for days and thought I could no longer bear the agony…I did not want anyone to come near me.” This is an excerpt from Theresa Burke’s book Forbidden Grief. While the book has brilliant insight supported by research on the aftermath of abortion on a woman, it’s most striking text is the stories of countless women who painfully share abortion grief that they have hidden for years.
During the Heartbeat International conference in Orlando, Florida I was deeply touched by the post-abortive presentations. Numerous times I found myself close to tears as a brave woman stood in front of a crowded room and told her abortion story. Even more compassion began dwelling in my heart for women who have suffered abortions. I always knew that women suffered when they had an abortion, but I never quite understood why many women did not seek help for their grief. At the conference I attended a workshop that explained how our culture forbids women to grieve their loss. Whether it is the boyfriend or parents who refuse to talk about the past abortion, or the society which would never embrace a funeral for an aborted baby so that a mother could find peace, or the grief psychologists who never think to ask a woman if she has had an abortion so that he can help her get to the root of her pain.
The beautiful thing about conferences like this is that it leads to discussion about abortion, and discussion leads to understanding, and understanding leads to compassion. My heart is full of hope for a future where women can openly share their abortion grief and receive the love and help they so desperately need. A future where stories like those in Burke’s book help change the heart and minds of women, men, politicians, and abortion mill staff. A future where stories like those in Burke's book don't exist.