It's always surprising to see the scars that come out when counseling these women. We are all sometimes guilty of holding close yesterday's hurts and allowing them to color our actions today.
Recently I met a woman in our South Bronx center who is the eldest of several girls, all of whom currently have children out of wedlock. As the eldest, she has always had more responsibility, and has always felt that her mother didn't appreciate how hard she works, how little she asks for, and how difficult a time she has caring for her own daughter.
I know this explanation is a bit convoluted, but basically this woman was considering abortion because her relationship with her own mother was so poor -- she didn't have the support she needed, she couldn't bring another child into this situation . . . she was allowing the pain from her past to be stronger the promise of tomorrow.
The most recent example this woman gave of her mother hurting her was that just a few days previously, her mother had forgotten her birthday. Her own mother actually did not acknowledge her daughter's birthday in every way -- and they live in the same house.
That's a pretty sad story, right? A mother forgetting her own child's birthday. No cake, no card, no mention of anything special at all.
But it's not so sad. After all, there are sadder things. At that moment Liz said, "At least your mother gave you birthdays. Wouldn't it be worse to have never had one at all? Everyone wants a birthday."
Perspective. Gentle but firm.
This woman decided to keep her baby. A week later, I was in the room when she had her first sonogram. At sixteen weeks now, her baby will join us in late January, just around the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. One more child, one more chance at life, one more birthday.
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