Farewell to New York!

This is my last blog – I leave on Monday to return home to California! I have had a great time here; there have been hard times (working with such sadness is difficult) but many happy times as well. I have met such amazing friends and teachers. I will really miss Linda and all my housemates. I’ll miss all the Spanish music, the cooking, singing and sitting on the subway heading to Manhattan!

                I loved working in the centers. I met so many beautiful and brave young women. Regardless of their decisions, all of those girls fight to survive in unbelievably difficult situations and I respect their ability to make the best of their lives.

                I probably won’t be back in New York anytime soon, but I’ll bring the lessons learned home to California with me and I’ll never stop fighting to defend the lives of the unborn and to protect women from the horrors of abortion. Thank you for your prayers in this struggle!

                Chris told me to write down how many saves I have had this summer, so I’ll give you an approximation, as I didn’t record them… In my two weeks in Jerome I had 14 turnarounds, at the Bronx office 5 and in my time in Brooklyn I can only give the broadest guess… I was there a little over 4 weeks and I saw maybe 3 girls a day and usually had two or three turnarounds each day. I’ll leave it to you to make either the highest or lowest estimate of how many girls total decided to save their babies after speaking with me and seeing the truth of abortion.

She Saved the Day

Monday this week was pretty depressing. By 4 pm we had had five girls come in; two still wanted abortions after the counseling and the other three were undecided – we had had no turnarounds, no mothers choosing to keep their babies and save them. Then three women came and knocked on the door of my tiny closet office. One, the oldest, insisted upon talking to us in private first, pushing her way in then closing the door in the faces of the other two with her. She sat down and began speaking quickly, explaining to us that she was the mother of both girls outside and her youngest NEEDED an abortion. The girl was dating a druggie and the child would definitely be “damaged” so it was an emergency and needed to be stopped immediately! I asked the woman if she had ever had an abortion and there was a pause before she said yes, she had had an abortion. As I began to outline the risks she stopped me and had her older daughter come in to hear them, insisting that the youngest – the one who was pregnant, remain outside. When I explained about the breast cancer link she stopped me to make sure that it wasn’t 100% sure and that it wouldn’t happen too soon. If the girl got breast cancer in 20 years it wouldn’t matter, if she became infertile that wouldn’t matter either. She just couldn’t have this baby right now.

                Eventually, as I continued informing this woman of all the risks of abortion, she admitted that she wasn’t really the mother – she was the aunt. Later she admitted to never having had an abortion (Thank you Linda Marzulla for teaching me how to catch them in their lies!). Then I sent those two out and spoke to the pregnant girl in private (with my partner, Dani). Soon we discovered that our client was a pro-life activist! She went to the March for Life in Washington last year and had a pro-life t-shirt from Defend Life that she had wanted to wear into our clinic! She was prepared to fight for her right to keep her child and found instead a haven of protection and aid. When her mother arrived we spoke to her and she was just upset that her daughter had hidden the pregnancy for 5 months. She wasn’t going to try to force her daughter to have an abortion – she wanted nothing to do with her daughter or grandchild. At least, she wanted nothing to do with the decision-making aspect of the situation. She still will give her daughter a home and all the necessities of life, she just won’t help her figure out how to deal with all this. If the girl could get along for 5 months without her mother’s advice in this concern, then she can continue for the next 4 months without that help. I can’t blame the mother for feeling that way, and I think I would do the same!

                Now this girl has nothing to worry about except dealing with her aunt and cousin. They will surely continue to push for an abortion, but now she knows that they can’t force her to do anything – especially because her mother won’t try to force it. She said she prayed so hard before coming to our center – praying for God to help her in this struggle – I think it worked!!

P.S. I called this blog “She Saved the Day” because the day was really awful until she came in. After that the day really brightened up and it didn’t seem so bad!

Truth Tours

This week I spent on a road trip throughout Maryland on the Defend Life Truth Tour. Each morning we would rise before the sun to go hold signs on the side of the highway showing the truth of what an abortion looks like. We made three stops each day of about 2 hours each. It was very tiring work, very hot and sweaty, but it was worth it. People driving by would shout profanity at us, tell us to get a life and flip us off. Some honked and waved with big smiles on their faces. But others looked shocked and horrified, holding their hands over their mouths. They were the people we were there for. Those people had no idea what “Choice” means. Now they do, and hopefully they will do something about it.

We aren't ready

Today I want to tell you about a girl I met yesterday, let’s call her Maria. She walked in with a 3 year old autistic son and her boyfriend. She wiped away tears as she came in, but managed to keep it together for the rest of the consultation – until the videos. Watching the first video was hard enough for her (it explains the dangers and possible complications of an abortion), when I put on the second video and she saw the fetal tissue (the ripped apart bodies of 8 week fetuses) she said she was about to throw up. I asked her, “If you can’t watch this, then how will you be able to go through it?”

                At that she burst into tears. She had said she was Catholic, so I asked if she thought God would have sent her this baby if he didn’t trust her to take care of this child, to be the best mother for this child. She started to cry even harder and she told me about how, as a child, she had prayed and prayed for a baby. She wondered how, now that she had been given a baby, how could she reject it?

                Her next question was how could she convince her boyfriend that they could handle a 3 year old autistic boy and a newborn? I referred her to a sonogram with the hope that once he sees his child he won’t be able to destroy that life.

A New Idea

This week I spent some time counseling the boyfriends who came in with their girlfriends. Every time I speak with them I’m amazed at how open they are! I ask them such personal questions, and although they seem shocked that I would ask, they answer quickly and the walls come down. In fact, this week it’s seemed that the boys are more willing to talk than the girls! I opened one conversation, “So how long have you been dating and when did you start having sex?” They sometimes show a little shame or embarrassment when answering, but often they feel nothing.

                Occasionally the conversation will turn to me: “So how many kids do you have? What about your boyfriend? You don’t have a boyfriend? What are you waiting for?” I allow the conversation to go there because of the last question. I want to tell them what I’m waiting for. Their eyes go wide and you can see them start to wonder. If I believe in finding my one true love, then how many others are there like me? And if I can wait this long, then how many others are waiting? If I am happy waiting and expecting something wonderful, then maybe they could be happy doing that too. They know they aren’t happy with their lifestyle now, so to hear that there is another way and it isn’t just crazy church ladies following it – it gives them new hope.

St. Francis was right

A girl came in two days ago and when I asked her about adoption she said that to her, adoption was the same thing as “terminating the pregnancy”. You are saying goodbye to your child either way and she didn’t care if the child felt pain. The only item of importance was her feeling. No one else mattered. Another girl last week said her main priority was putting herself first. I just wanted to ask, “Who taught you that? Who told you that that was a worthy ambition?”

                I have been taught all my life that service to others is crucial. What makes us human if we don’t empathize and help one another? How can we be fulfilled without loving one another through our actions? “It is in giving that we receive.” I know this to be true. Now all I have to do is convince these mothers.